Thursday, August 21, 2008

I'm not ready to grow up!

Just playing with my phone, I like this photo....

So weird, turning twenty next month. I've been thinking a lot about this birthday. I know everyone always focuses on 21, but 20 is a crazy age to be... two decades, no longer a child, no longer a teenager. It's intimidating, thinking of all the things that will be expected of me in the next few years. Moving out, finishing my bachelors, getting my first "real" career oriented job. I feel behind. I feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm not ready yet. Like I'll never be ready. It's nerve-wracking.

I kinda just want to go back to being 18, you know? Still just a kid, nobody expects much from you, nobody's watching what you do with your life. At 18, I wasn't any different than I am today, I even weighed the same... though I have gained and lost weight in between. I still complain about the same old things, I still have the fashion sense of a polar bear, I still like plaid shirts, floppy pants and green tea. I don't remember what 19 was like for me at all. I feel like I missed a year, somewhere between making my bed and finishing with community college.

I have a few things to promise myself this new year. For the first year of a new decade, I am going to be happy with who I am, how I look, and the things I like. I'm going to pursue writing and expand my social life. I'm going to put every ounce of effort into being the 'Tess' I know I can be. I'm going to be happy. Yep, that's my goal. I'm going to accomplish everything it is I have to do in order to be happy.


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